Giving

I was blissfully ejected from the vehicle of my own shit today.

In putting my energy toward baking and making and gifting to our neighbors, I felt more capacity to give love toward others and myself. I’m proud of that spirit I’ve inherited from my mom. 

Things haven’t been easy. I had surgery last Friday with a follow up on this one, and I am, in a word, uncomfortable. The process and recovery were much easier than expected and nothing like last time, but it’s hard to focus on healing without continually worrying about what’s next. When can we try again? Is this a for-sure fix? Am I going to pop this tiny plastic balloon sitting inside my uterus? 

But no one truly knows. I think my biggest misconception in starting the conception journey was my own grasp of time. I thought about things in terms of days, months even. But I didn’t think in 6-8 week time periods and how it all affects the next piece. In my mind, I’d be giving birth when the sun shone bright in 2024. Now, we’ll be fortunate to give birth in 2024 at all. Making babies takes time, and it’s a worthwhile venture. I have no regrets for the time we spent being married, buying and working on our home, and focusing on the present. Pregnancy will come in time, and I try to focus on the excitement of that day rather than avoid it at all costs. (That’s not to say I haven’t deleted Facebook from my phone for the holiday season.) 

Did I want to give our families cute baby reveal gifts for Christmas? Sure. But can I still give other meaningful gifts this year that come from a place of love? Absolutely.